Let me tell you something about Nicholas Flamel. I was his apprentice in the fifteenth century. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in 1418, I started reading The Book of Abraham the Mage which was totally brilliant but in a weird code, and Nicholas was like, weirdly jealous of it. Like, if I would blow him off to go read the Codex, he’d be like, “Why haven’t you returned it yet?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with it?” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-sorcerers pool party, I was like, “Nicholas, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re an alchemyst.” I mean I couldn’t have an alchemyst at my party. There were gonna be sorcerers there in their bathing suits. I mean, right? He was an ALCHEMYST. So then his wife called my wife and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then he faked his own death because no one would talk to him, and when he moved to San Francisco, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally immortal, and now I guess he’s hogging the Codex. 

Let me tell you something about Nicholas Flamel. I was his apprentice in the fifteenth century. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in 1418, I started reading The Book of Abraham the Mage which was totally brilliant but in a weird code, and Nicholas was like, weirdly jealous of it. Like, if I would blow him off to go read the Codex, he’d be like, “Why haven’t you returned it yet?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with it?” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-sorcerers pool party, I was like, “Nicholas, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re an alchemyst.” I mean I couldn’t have an alchemyst at my party. There were gonna be sorcerers there in their bathing suits. I mean, right? He was an ALCHEMYST. So then his wife called my wife and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then he faked his own death because no one would talk to him, and when he moved to San Francisco, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally immortal, and now I guess he’s hogging the Codex. 

  1. rumpelstiltskin-in-the-tardis reblogged this from biotwerk
  2. animaphoenix reblogged this from biotwerk
  3. phuynhlong reblogged this from biotwerk
  4. intheswirlingswimmingon reblogged this from biotwerk
  5. snap-and-shoot reblogged this from thekrakensdivision
  6. thekrakensdivision reblogged this from mywarriorsheart
  7. rnahatmagandhi reblogged this from padalesckii
  8. padalesckii reblogged this from mywarriorsheart
  9. rivermotherfuckingsong reblogged this from letmelearnyouathing
  10. ronweasleysmfah reblogged this from mywarriorsheart
  11. juliarese reblogged this from mywarriorsheart
  12. mywarriorsheart reblogged this from letmelearnyouathing
  13. letmelearnyouathing reblogged this from biotwerk
  14. flightofthebumblebees reblogged this from biotwerk
  15. thegraywolfqueen reblogged this from biotwerk
  16. trishacappelletti reblogged this from biotwerk
  17. suspiciousturtle28 reblogged this from biotwerk
  18. kingparkersheppard reblogged this from biotwerk
  19. flutterby186 reblogged this from biotwerk
  20. ihendersonbieber reblogged this from biotwerk
  21. nekkuu reblogged this from tsagaglalal
  22. i-am-the-sorceress reblogged this from thepoliticianandtheoutlaw
  23. thepoliticianandtheoutlaw reblogged this from thegreatandpowerfuldee
  24. thegreatandpowerfuldee reblogged this from f-identity
  25. f-identity reblogged this from sassiavelli