Let me tell you something about Nicholas Flamel. I was his apprentice in the fifteenth century. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in 1418, I started reading The Book of Abraham the Mage which was totally brilliant but in a weird code, and Nicholas was like, weirdly jealous of it. Like, if I would blow him off to go read the Codex, he’d be like, “Why haven’t you returned it yet?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with it?” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-sorcerers pool party, I was like, “Nicholas, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re an alchemyst.” I mean I couldn’t have an alchemyst at my party. There were gonna be sorcerers there in their bathing suits. I mean, right? He was an ALCHEMYST. So then his wife called my wife and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then he faked his own death because no one would talk to him, and when he moved to San Francisco, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally immortal, and now I guess he’s hogging the Codex. 

Let me tell you something about Nicholas Flamel. I was his apprentice in the fifteenth century. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in 1418, I started reading The Book of Abraham the Mage which was totally brilliant but in a weird code, and Nicholas was like, weirdly jealous of it. Like, if I would blow him off to go read the Codex, he’d be like, “Why haven’t you returned it yet?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with it?” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-sorcerers pool party, I was like, “Nicholas, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re an alchemyst.” I mean I couldn’t have an alchemyst at my party. There were gonna be sorcerers there in their bathing suits. I mean, right? He was an ALCHEMYST. So then his wife called my wife and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then he faked his own death because no one would talk to him, and when he moved to San Francisco, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally immortal, and now I guess he’s hogging the Codex. 

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